Paladin Project

The effects of surviving human sex trafficking and surviving predatory sexual violations coincide.

Trauma with an isolated event that may or may not lead to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder may or may not lead to complex PTSD. CPTSD is the effect that repeated exposure to traumas that disturb the psyche can have. Trauma by itself may lead to a temporary state of disturbance, whereas untreated PTSD or CPTSD can last a lifetime.

After a trauma, it may be normal for a survivor to go through a temporary phase of high disturbance levels that come down gradually and disappear over time. Some of the effects of trauma may include invasive thoughts where the person is going through their everyday life, but finds that the events of what happened sneak into their thoughts against their will.

   Ruminating thinking is the habit of these invasive thoughts staying for a prolonged period. The individual may become fixated on the Hypotheticals of what could have happened in a different way. Such as what may happen in the future, or what they could have done differently to avoid the event. Some fixate on the solutions to the issue, become hypervigilant about not letting it happen again, or run through solving the mysteries surrounding the event.

  The human mind is built on survival when the trauma tells the body that it is in survival mode. There is very little difference in the results, whether survival was at hand or not. In other words, the body doesn’t know the difference between threats that directly threaten its ability to live or fear levels that are so high that it concludes that it may be close to death.

   Being molested as a child, for example, can be debilitating, daunting, and entirely terrifying. Because a child is so small and the predator is presumably much larger, the level of perceived death can tell the body that its direct survival is at hand. Even more disturbing to the psyche can be threats made by a predator towards their victim that leaves the message don’t tell anyone or else. The “or else” can leave a blanket statement open to the mind to fill in the blanks with the worst-case scenario, which, to the body, can be even worse than a direct threat made good on its promise. The direct threat may be scary at the moment, but it concludes as the event concludes, the “or else” can tell the body that there are numerous attacks on the horizon and the effects can be even worse.

   One of the effects of trauma is panic attacks. Panic attacks can be triggered by nearly anything related to the original event, which makes it harder to control. For example: If a victim was being raped, they may have had pressure on their chest and so when someone has difficulty breathing, it can act as a trigger to the event and ironically shorten the breath even more leading to a panicked breathing response that is only more triggering. Not all panic attacks are the same and not all physical or mental responses are the same for everyone. Some people suffer from shortness of breath, others have an unstable and panicked mind, while still others may go numb in various body parts. Trauma is tricky because the triggers are very hard to manage.

   To make matters worse there is the issue of transference within trauma. Let’s say that a victim was attacked and while they were attacked they could hear the neighbor’s dog barking, the dog was barking at an ice cream truck that was going by. When we are in a traumatic event these scenery moments such as hearing the dog, a certain touch, or a triggering word are not processed correctly. The mind acts like an accordion to these scenery events and they do not get processed correctly.

   As a result, the sensory overload is moved out of the way and the finite points of direct attack may be all that the body can process. Sometimes attacks are directly remembered other times even the event is blocked out as a means to survive. Trauma triggers then include transference so that a survivor could be feeling fine having moved on from the event but the second that they hear a dog bark or another ice cream truck by now they are completely triggered and effects. Usually, those triggers for the minor sensory details fail to be noticed as associated responses this leaves the victim feeling a lack of control of their responses and they feel more prone to reactions such as irritability, fear, anger, hypervigilance, defensiveness, sadness, or panic.

   Flashbacks are usually a rare occurrence to traumatic events but they do happen. Flashbacks are not to be confused with merely remembering the events but can feel like they are back in the event itself. The victim may suddenly be panicked and react to events as if they were occurring in a time after the original event. Famously we think of military veterans hiding behind their couches for example believing that they are being opened fire upon when there is no current war going on. It is not so different after sexual attacks. Feelings of diminished self-worth or motivation towards life are a big downfall for many. Sometimes when a perpetrator treats their victims in a certain way the victim can then turn around and treat themselves that certain way as well. For example, they may experience an attempt to gain agency by becoming more hypersexualized in the way they act or seek attention.

   Not all victims hide some put themselves back out there in an attempt to regain control over their sexual identity. Too often those who were knowingly pimped out involuntarily can then turn around and voluntarily engage in risky or exchange-based sexual behavior. Often these acts are then used to justify the trauma and claim that the victims were always into it when it is a conditioned trauma response that the predators capitalize upon.

   In certain cultures where the sex industry is decriminalized or normalized say for example in Thailand, we see all sorts of justification by perpetrators about why it’s okay because their culture says it’s okay. My question to these perpetrators is that if it was free agency then money would not have to be involved. If, for example, a 20-year-old wanted to have sex with a 70-year-old they would do so without money. If money changes the outcome then it is a conditioned means of survival and not a sexually free culture.

The exchange does not have to be money, it can be any exchange that goes beyond just enjoying the sex act itself. For example, a predator may threaten the safety of their children if they do not acquiesce or, conversely offer them protection for having sex with them, again, if the gain goes beyond the sex act itself then it is inherently exploitative and there is no justification. There are exceptions to the rule, in cultures that legalize prostitution such as in one northern European country where 97% of prostitutes report feeling an increase in self-esteem because they have personal bodyguards, access to health care are regularly screened, are less societally condemned, and make a lot of money. I don’t know if the self-reported self-esteem has merit or not, as esteem is subjective I’d have to take their word for it but certainly had society not cradled their career they would not be feeling nearly as good about the event.

In most societies prostitution is illegal and because it’s illegal it means that the prostitute is not legally guarded which leaves them open to assault without any defense from the police or due process. Not wanting to lose their job or life most sex crimes against prostitutes go unreported as a result and overall the impact is therefore extremely negative. Some of the effects of suffering in the long term after prostitution include depression, feelings of worthlessness, anxiety, fear, suicide, and addiction these are the norm in most cultures.

All in all the effects of trauma from sexual assault or surviving the sex industry is a dark path with a long recovery time that usually is never fully healed by eradicating the ability of perpetrators to do harm we protect individuals from being traumatized for life.

Surviving a Narcissist By Thara Wild

A narcissist is an individual devoid of empathy with a selfish pathology. The pathology of individuals like these can wreak havoc on all who cross their path by dehumanizing their victims and grooming them towards accepting abuse. The sex trafficking industry does something similar. While it is common knowledge that abuses endured by sex trafficking are inherently wrong, the damage towards victims is perceived effortlessly as palpable. Narcissistic abuse survivor-ship is often full of convolution and confusion that can distort the roles of the victim and villain. The effects of a close bond with a narcissist can often be overlooked, and the damage minimized. however, the effects can be anything but.

Trauma Bonding

Oftentimes times it can take survivors back in resistance to be told that they are overcoming abuse from their former partner. Like a frog in a slow boiling pot of water, narcissist abuse can be a slowly heating situation that can trick their partner into staying long after they have gotten burned. The psychological manipulation issued by their narc partner can condition them to believe that it was their fault, that they weren’t worthy, or minimize the amount of damage. Because narcissists often come from traumatic or difficult backgrounds themselves, they may pull at your heartstrings as a source of needing to be understood and healed through love, you may even pride yourself on being the one constant in a life where they were seemingly abandoned often. Some narcs first come from trauma, others do not, some of them have been given everything that they needed and are merely conditioned to being entitled to more. Their background isn’t exceptionally important, though it can create a defensiveness in a loyal partner to hear this. What is important is how they treat you in a relationship. It can be frustrating to see the way they charm, help, and even seduce the surrounding public, acting as a helper and a friend only once the doors close, revealing their selfish and resentful nature to those closest to them.

Self/Public Image

A narcissist cares about what others think, but they do not care for others. They care about what they can get from others, but not about what they can give. They are truly about their self-image and projecting whatever they have chosen to be seen outwards. Perhaps they want to be seen as a
philanthropist, success, or religious figure. No one job or profession defines. them, what does define them regardless of profession is their destructive and self-serving nature.

Infidelity and Modality

Most narcissists cheat, most are serial cheaters with no intention of stopping. They often have several networks of “supply” which are situations that serve to flatter their ego. Maybe they send revealing pictures, futurize plans with another, or string on others over time. This can be very damaging and even disturbing for a partner to discover, most of all, how much they truly have no regard for you in those moments. Maya Angelou once famously stated, “When people show you their true nature, believe them.” A narcissist can be so incomprehensibly selfish that it can be difficult to believe them. If you are not someone with such a selfish nature you may make excuses, you weren’t enough, you didn’t meet their needs, they were wounded once, etc. The narcissist is who they are with or without you.

Dating a Narcissist

A narcissist may try to possess their partner and this can feel great, it can feel that they need you as they cry at their doorstep for being revealed as their true face, and it can feel that they deeply desire you.

The desire to maintain you and love you are two very different things. They desire loyal anchors,
providers, and people who will keep their egos boosted. You can check every box of what you would
personally want out of a supportive partner and they can still not care about you they may even respect you less and exploit you more. So quick are they to forget you countless acts of loyalty and support and in a moment it was suddenly never enough, usually in conjunction with some misdeed that you have or have not yet discovered.

Everything is your fault, and you may mistake the moments of weakness where they confess self-
loathing as healing, it is not, all narcissists do have self-loathing, it should not be mistaken for empathy towards you, it is never about you, even when they pretend that it is. A narcissist by definition cannot have empathy, it means that when you are at your lowest they will have the least for you.

The more you have to give, money, looks, and networks the more they become pendentive towards you as a trophy or a status symbol, lose the status lose the mate. Dating a narcissist is a surefire way to keep other good forms of love at bay. They are often jealous of their partner’s affection towards others and can thwart and compete with the love for and from their children. While a narcissist can like how a child makes them look perhaps they are a good student or a prize-winning athlete they can not fundamentally love their child as the day-to-day life of raising a child does not give them the praise they seek and so is not ultimately worth their time.

They can isolate their partners away from supportive friends, particularly those who don’t like them, convincing their partner that the person does not have their best interest in mind or making up stories to distance themselves. From time to time a narcissist does have an admirable trait, maybe they are helpful or have great skill sets, every person develops the way they
do, and good traits do not eradicate the fundamental differences between the trait and the general
selfish M.O. itself.

Who Narcs Target and Why

They say that once you see that you have a significant relationship with a narcissist in your life you will find that you have had an entire network of narcissists that you may not have recognized as such, be it a boss, a friend, or family member. Narcissists are attracted to giving people and pray on the empathy of another often draining it for all they can, but they will never cherish or respect it. They look down on those who have what they can not, and goodness is a force they don’t have, a power they can not tame only emulate and so they will be disgusted by it and use it all the while. At the end of the day, one of the hardest parts of getting out of a destructive relationship with these kinds of people is the feeling that you want a return on your investment. You are waiting for them to care as you did them, to declare their love and give gratitude for the ways that you have given, that the time, money, and energy that you
spent on them will be paid back. It won’t be. Every day that you spend worrying about the return is another day spent wasted on the narcissist.

The best thing you can do is grey rock them, meaning shut down any emotional exchange or leave them entirely and never look back. So many people get obsessed with the narcissist, craving their validation and a desire for a different outcome know that they aren’t pining for you, if they miss you it’s only the convenience that they provided. If they speak of you it will only be to sully your name and reputation and explain their wrongdoings away.

Moving Forward Empty Handed, Duped and for the Better

Survivors of narcissists often become hyper-fixated on the outcome of them, will they go on to live happier lives with someone else, will they take the strength you gave them and thrive without you? Here is what you can know, a person who can not love will never truly love, and a person who is set on selfishness may experience unfair gains in life and advantages but it was out of duping, they will always hate themselves underneath, and not out of guilt but out of the sham that they know they are and no person who lives a life of complete self-centeredness is truly happy, rest assured whatever gains they may or may not get are temporary and lack foundation, they will never be happy with or without you.

As long as you, as the empathetic individual that you were to attract such a type will always have so much more potential for joy and happiness regardless of what little they left you with. The reason for this is that as long as you still can love you have a superpower they can not parallel, take the lessons about giving love that they taught you, you gave tirelessly and unconditionally, now apply it to yourself and set yourself free.

A Friend in Need: How to Care of a Rape Survivor By Tara Jones

The violating experience of rape can have many reactions and can take many forms. Rape may be subtle and manipulative, like a date rape pressure that coerced silence and dubbed it “yes.” It can be more vivid and overt such as an attack or assault. In any scenario, the damage of the encounter can be nothing short of devastating and difficult to cope with. There is no one correct solution for helping a friend or loved one through this traumatic event but there are ways to help.

Time is of the essence after an attack is first made and the survivor must seek medical attention immediately. Some survivors can be afraid of hospitals forcing them to report or talk about the incident before they feel ready or able. Regardless of what future legal actions may be pursued one should provide themselves with as many options as possible and attend to their body with care. The risk of STD is higher than normal with predators that may engage often in casual, frequent, or predatory sex where safe practices aren’t necessarily utilized. Being able to get treatment for wounds, be tested for pregnancy or STD, and possibly perform a rape kit should be done as soon as possible. One inclination of those who have just been attacked may be to lay low, not to talk about the event right away or go home and shower the trauma off of them. The issue with this is that if they want to perform a rape kit and  identify the predator’s DNA, or gather evidence of the attack, then the kit is time-sensitive and will expire without immediate action.

Some survivors may be afraid to talk to a doctor because they aren’t sure that they want to put in a report and may not feel safe enough to do so. Not all states require an issuing report to police after talking to a medical staff member about the rape. Putting in a report does not mean that you have prosecuted, only that you now have a record . The report may grant the option of putting charges in the future that include evidentiary support. Unfortunately, rape can be difficult to prove and this time sensitive bit of evidence may make or break a case. Filing a report starts that process and allows the survivor to timestamp the event in a major way . The report is a very helpful tool, aiding in self-empowerment and possible future arrest.

Recapitulating the story repeatedly to doctors can be triggering and traumatizing . Perhaps consider asking a medical staff member to simply share what you have said in your chart to the next doctor before having to repeat it again. If you feel triggered you can ask a friend to speak for you.  The initial information reporting time period is often the most stressful and exhausting but is also the most important stage for establishing the option of taking future legal action.

75% of rapes occur by someone whom the survivor knows and so the fear of retaliation can become especially palpable if the perpetrator shares a social circle that the survivor fears upsetting. The survivor may fear being teamed up against, shunned, or retaliated against and this can make them hesitant to speak. As a friend or loved one you need to honor the process of the survivor. Some may want to express themselves often and at length and being a good listener and monitoring your advice or desire to fix the situation beyond what they are comfortable with can be very helpful. There are times where the survivor may be better-off talking to a professional, advocate, crisis center, hotline, or a group of survivors who understand their pain personally. Research some local resources for them and make those available whenever they are ready. There are some national resources at the bottom of this article as well.

Understand that a survivor’s body and mind may still be in shock and returning to life as normal may take months or years. Helping your loved one to have multiple safe havens to frequent may be very necessary. For example: if the attack was made at their residence and they fear a return attack or are reminded too often of what happened, it may be good for them to relocate temporarily or permanently. Making sure that the survivor knows that in the case of nervousness or fear that they can have other places to go or places that they feel are safe to go to in the day may be important.

Creating a safe space may be key for healing. Installing security in the places where the survivor feels vulnerable may help them feel more ready for any future occurrence. Installing phone apps that respond to emergencies with a mass text to all, setting emergency contacts to be ready on hand, or providing the survivor or preventer with self-defense techniques and devices may help to restore some empowerment that may be low after the attack.

Survivors may be a bit distant, defensive, or shut down to physical or sexual touch, practice patience before trying to regain their trust and try not to take their defensiveness of your affections as personal. Their body may remain in a state of shock for quite some time, their body doesn’t necessarily take into account your care or history, just that it is scared. Let the survivor take their time before jumping into touch that may be triggering. Let them know that you are there for them if they need to talk but also there for them if they don’t want to. Each survivor has their way of coping, this doesn’t make it wrong. Some may prefer to move on from the event right away others may want to express themselves more. It is important to process what has happened but there is no one way to do this. A silent survivor may process it through working out at the gym, making art, or raking legal action to name a few ways, others may want emotional support readily. Self-expression should be encouraged but not forced. Regardless of their desire to speak on it, the survivor should be provided with information about what to expect down the road.

Rapes and assaults may seem to be easily overcome, only to catch up with devastating or indirect results such as escapism, self-blame, nightmares, neurosis, hypervigilance, flashbacks, panic attacks, or aggression later on. The survivor should be made aware of some of the possible pending responses to the rape and encouraged to bring awareness to some of the self-destructive or devastating effects that they may experience eventually and what to do about it if it occurs.

One overwhelmingly successful technique for dealing with trauma is called EMDR,  it is a type of therapy that triggers both sides of the brain during trauma recollection. This access to both sides of the brain allows the survivor to navigate through the trauma and release the resonance of the trauma in a way that talk therapy alone may not be able to. Loneliness, self-judgment, blame, or seclusion may follow.

The fault of the rape is on the perpetrator and not the survivor. What was worn, said, felt, or underprepared for at the time has no barring in the fact that the mind of a predator is just that, predatory. Misnomers about what rape is about can hurt a survivor’s healing. For example, one common one is the question of if the survivor was flirting, wearing revealing clothing, or intoxicated at the time. While mindfulness is a good defense it is not a safeguard from the mind of a predator looking to dominate the other. A person who is covered up, unseen or underconfident  can often actually become more likely to be the victim than the one who was wearing a tight clothing and was the center of the party. In neither scenario is the survivor to blame. Rape isn’t about sex or sexual desire, it is not about that a signal may have been sparked to say that the survivor had an interest in the predator, rape is about power and dominance through fear, nothing else. The overwhelming percentage of predators don’t feel remorse for what they did. They do not feel empathy for the survivor nor even consider what they have done to be truly wrong, though often recognize the act as criminal but not necessarily immoral.

Predator’s attacks are usually not focused on just one person. Your personage, deepest thoughts or true self aren’t a real consideration for those who are unable to see another or care, so why make what happened to you more personal than it is? Not totally unlike a dangerous animal, a predator hunts, it’s what it does, it’s not personal it’s just a dangerous opportunist. Concerns from the predator seldom grapple with remorse and more predominately are self-serving with the concern of being caught.

When handling a situation of another’s pain you may want to be mindful to not do more than you can handle, take breaks from the healing process for yourself as you see fit. Encourage the survivor and supporters of the survivor to use self-care often, especially for the months after the attack. Rape can be triggering to many people and can create a lot of heavy upset , know your limits. The survivor may sense the way that people are walking on eggshells and come to resent it so remember your bond before the attack and bring awareness to also return to breaks, fun, and entertainment when appropriate.

For a National Hotline with trained specialists you an call 800.656.HOPE (4673). You can also get help online with these three national organizations. Terms of Service – Online Hotline (rainn.org) , Take Action • NOMORE.org | Together we can end domestic violence and sexual assault., | National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC)

 NISMART (National Incidence Studies of Missing, Abducted, Runaway and Throwaway Children) is an organization that collects data for missing children. Let’s take a look at what their statistics are revealing to us about Kidnapping and the precautions we can take to ensure safety for potential victims. Every minute and a half a child goes “missing” in the United States . “Missing” can mean anything from abduction to a runaway. 

Why do Children Go Missing?

The majority of missing children are not caused by kidnappings, but rather, volunteer riddance by family or the running away of the child. There are many reasons that children get kidnapped. The first is for rape or sexual exploitation.The second reason may be to be raised as the abductors own in wanting a child to fulfill a missing role in their family or lives. The last category may involve additional child exploitation purposes such as crimes like a ransom or child trafficking.        

Where are Kids Being Kidnapped? 

Kidnapping by strangers usually occurs in public areas. 71% of abductions occur in public areas such as malls, stores or out in nature but very few happen in schools.                                                                                                                                            

Who is Kidnapping Children?

The major majority of kidnapping cases are by a parent. In cases where family members are the abductors, it is by in large one of the two disputing parties in a child custody case. Of the non-family member abductions, 53% are committed by people who personally know the child and/or the family of the abducted child according to NISMART.

Profiling the Kidnapping Stranger:

The general formula for strangers who abduct children are usually men who have temporary contact with a child, such as doing work for the family or briefly encountering the child.  75% of non-family abductions are committed by males, most likely aged around 27 years old. the man usually lives with family, primarily his parents and his work is usually underemployed, unemployed or underachieving.

Who is getting Kidnapped:

75% of all kidnapping victims are females around 11 years old. The vast majority of Kidnapping victims 15-30 years old and unmarried.

Good News in Stats:

Though the stats paint a grim picture of kidnapping in the United States there are some good statistics as well. According to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children only 1/10,000 children end up being found dead. The recovery rate for child abduction victims is at a staggering 97% in the United States with rates increasing because of technological advancements. 

Some Everyday Solutions to Prevention.

Looking at the statistics, people who are known or have access to your children in the home are the most likely to kidnap so the best solutions are to focus on good communications between the parents and by keeping custody battles amicable. However, in the cases of strangers kidnapping children, there are still preventative measures one can take.

Talk to your children about not speaking to strangers or following anyone you don’t know into private areas such as houses or cars. Encourage your child to vocalize their fears if necessary such as if the stranger is forcing them into a private sphere make sure to let your child know that it is necessary to scream and call attention to oneself. There is a story of a woman who was lured into a car who simply opened the car door while her kidnapper was driving and refused to shut it, gaining the attention of a local policeman who was able to then assist in saving her. Remember the goal is to be seen by bystanders and the kidnappers are paranoid about being caught as is. These measures will help to intimidate them from being able to commit the kidnapping. One good precedent to set with your children is to have a secret word or phrase to send with any trusted source who may go to pick up a child if the parents are unable, such as in an emergency. Because kidnappers sometimes fabricate an emergency for which to lure the child into a private area your child must check to see if the stranger knows you before trusting them. Your child needs to be reminded that some adults are to be more trusted than others, such as a firemen or authority figure like a school teacher or security officer. That way they can be sure to run to them instead of the kidnappers.                                                                                     

Teach your children to trust their instincts and air on the side of safety when in doubt. By validating your children’s gut feelings about uncomfortable strangers or scenarios you will empower them to defend themselves with good judgment. Make sure that your child knows to stand up to peer pressure that may lead them into dangerous scenarios and to reassure them that calling up you when they feel unsafe will not be met with punishment but rather, understanding. Make sure that you have safety guards up online preventing your children from going to inappropriate sites that may be used to lure them into communicating with a potential predator. By reminding your children that their information should not be shared with strangers such as ,your location or phone number and reminding them that some strangers prey on getting to know you for future abuse. Encourage your child to report to you if there is anyone that makes them feel uncomfortable for themselves or others.                                                      

Some Types of Tools for Anti-Kidnapping:

Home Security Systems, window and door monitors (that can function even if the internet or power goes out), stand-alone cameras and baby monitors that can function without the internet or power, GPS trackers, Phone Location Apps, Pre-set Emergency contact list set in a phone with automatic typed responses available for a quick send out.

Some of the Best Anti-Kidnapping Tech Tools of 2021 are AngelSense Kids, TickTalk and Tracki all voted in the “best of” category for anti-kidnapping technologies.

Kati Morton  beautifully mapped out the 7 Stages of Sexual Predator Grooming on her Self-Help Therapy YouTube Channel. Grooming is the act that Predators do to coerce and manipulate Targets of their sexuality. This can happen at any age, location, or sociology-economic level. While there is no one “type” of Predator there are similar behaviors that parents should be aware of. You might be surprised to be able to identify these behaviors in others throughout your life.

Stage 1- The Predator Identifies its Target. Just as there is no one “type” of Predator there is also no one “type” of Victim. The victims may be picked for reasons like the Predator’s preference, the availability of the Victim, or the ability to gain trust from the Victim. However, the predominating trait of the Victim is vulnerability. The predator fears their intentions being known and the ramifications of their actions coming to fruition and so will usually target people they feel they will be better able to get by with sexual aggression.

Stage 2- Win the Target’s Trust. Once through identifying their desired target, the Predator will move to win over the Victim’s trust or community members surrounding their desired Target. They might spot a vulnerability in the family to help gain access to the child. Such for example: a struggling single mom who could use a helping hand or an emotionally troubled youth who could use a shoulder to cry on. Predators are not always socially incompetent or without other sexual options. They can occupy positions of power, maintain a high level of charisma or even be very popular among the community.

Stage 3- Become Important to the Victim. A Predator will try to find a way to become indispensable to the victim or their surrounding community. Perhaps they can provide services or advice to the victims and surrounding community that make them special or especially needed by the victim. It may be part of the Predator’s agenda to gain not only trust but dependence upon them from their surrounding community to better be able to influence and gaslight a Target into submission. The more social clout and reputability that the Predator maintains the less of a chance of being exposed for their true intentions.

Stage 4- Isolating the Target. Once having made a comfortable or regular appearance in the Target’s life they will wait for the right time to get the Target one-on- one. For example: A sport coach may wait for one of his Target’s to need a ride home and readily offer it. Or explain to the parents how their target would benefit from one on one lessons. Once the target has become alienated it is easier for the Predator to implement information gathering or ways to undermine the psychology of the Target or it becomes easier to establish and increase intimacy and comfortable proxy  with their target.

Stage 5- Making the Target the Keeper of Secrets. The Predator may reveal fake or real secrets about themselves to gain trust and to learn secrets about their victim. They may also use learned information to emotionally blackmail their target into believing that it is best not to divulge too much information about their relationship to others. They may use gaslighting techniques to undermine a target’s mental health and create self-doubt. the predator might also insinuate that revealing their relationship would have severe consequences for the target such as getting a parent fired, or making sure that they feel that nobody would believe the Target’s story.

Stage 6-  Touches and/or Normalizing Nudity. A slower-moving Predator may test the reactions of their Target with small touches and they may try to increase through them. They may also try to bring the Target’s to actions and arenas where it would be normalized to be nude or partially nude. For example: Bringing a child to a swimming pool to make partial nudity or changing of clothes a common occurrence. A Predator may even use a Target to open a greater market of potential targets. For example: Bringing a Target to a ‘kid’s swim” to gain the trust of other children through the one that they are with. They may use body insecurities or curiosities about the body. Such as ,complimenting the body or suggesting how they can improve it together. The Predator may insight conversations about the body to ease the way into touch or also to arouse themselves with the subject matter.

Stage 7- Sexual Touch This sad and pathetic last stage is usually coupled with threats, shaming, or fear tactics used to control their Target into silence or future touch. Such as telling them that they would hurt them or that others would blame them for what had occurred. Continuing to control the victim in the future does not represent any singular path but instead a variety of control tactic options. One scenario may read that the victim is bullied with threats to their body or loved ones or desired opportunities. While another scenario may read that the victim is shamed into believing that it was their fault and that others would judge the victim harshly for it. The Sexual Touch Stage may only occur once or many times contingent on the parties involved and the life scenario at hand. Please be cautious of overly interested strangers trying o gain access to vulnerable people in your community. Watch for signs of these stages and communicate actively with others about their instincts and their level of comfort

Reporting Sex Offenders can be a terrifying and complex prospect for the average person to want to take on. One may fear retaliation, getting put on the radar by their registering officers who may show favoritism towards their registered agent, or backlash from the Sex Offenders friends or families. There is no one way to do this task many of us still ask for creative advice from surrounding like-minded advocates and every situation is different. Here are some aspects to consider;

• What is the current level of threat of the Offender and to whom are they most threatening?
• The level of threat might range from dangerous and immediate to probable and in the future or just a hunch that it might happen again or that they might become dangerous for other vengeful reasons.
• If a child is in immediate danger then action must be taken immediately. If any party is in immediate danger then action must be taken immediately. If you do have the time to consider your options then it might be good to take the time to research what options are best for you.
• How provable is the offense? Though there are severe societal stigmas towards Sexual Offenders there are also biases and protections towards them, particularly from their agencies and representatives. Hopefully, the agency that represents their Offender is by the book, but they might not be so presenting a well-documented case full of solid evidentiary support is important. Key records of everything that you can. Please keep in mind that if you believe that your case might be represented in court then all of your evidence needs to be also admissible according to court standards. A few examples of this might be that your recording either needs to be in a public area in which it might be reasonable to believe that the public could be a witness. Or, if the filming is in a private setting then the cameras usually must be visible and announced prior to recording.
  • For example; Each state varies its rules so check with the one that applies. Another example might be written proof. It is limited in its admissibility and might need more proof to confirm that the Offender was the one actually writing the text before being considered by the court. Keep your records well documented and ready for when you might need them.
• Where can you report misconduct?

Depending on your area there might be different places to make your report. Subsequently, your story might include different aspects the require the attention of different departments. Places like the National Center For Missing and Exploited Children might be a good start or your local equivalent for concerns about children under direct threat.

For concerns about violations to registered housing contracts such as the Sex Offender staying in different houses unreported or suspicion that they are actively pursuing the same type of charge again contacting the registration office where the Offender is located might be good. A simple name search using quotations of the Sex Offender in a search engine usually provides you with the county of the offender and their registered address. You can cross dates to see if it matches your records or observations. Sexual offenders need to report staying with other people and if they don’t they are in trouble.

The local police. To be perfectly candid this can be a tricky one some of these Offenders have built up long relationships with their assigned police member however for issues around stalking or threats or other concerns it may be the way to go.

Many states have additional codes of conduct by which the sex offender must also comply outside of the normal standards of the law. Each state is different but this may include not doing behaviors like Watching pornography, hanging out with children without their assigned agent present, not using sex paraphernalia, or not sending over sexually explicit photographs to another of any age. Research to see if your state has a code of conduct book, gathering offenses in this field is a lot more broad and strict than the general laws for the public and might just be the key to undermining your predator.

These are just three different ways to start to control the threats of a Sexual Offender however again, each situation is different and while I personally encourage you to think creatively about your situation I also encourage you for your own sake to think wisely and legally.

Child Marriage is unfortunately a tale as old as time and common enough to be a law that’s actually. It survives because of legal loopholes and the social limitations of a sexist and antiquated point of view. 

Child Marriage can be arranged for reasons like money, politics, or religious beliefs. It can also be caused by rape and used as a justification for it. 

Rape victim-blaming is awful to the victims and society at large. It is a systemic ideological problem with its roots often found in sexism and homophobia. A” might equals right” mentality that says that it’s better to blame the victim because it’s more convenient than interrupting the status quo and after all “boys will be boys.” There are exceptions to this rule as women are perfectly capable of rape too but by in large the shaming is about women being subservient to men, like children she is to be seen not heard. If you look at the roots of language we see in Latin that the roots for the penis is public a thing in which to be proud and show off in public whereas for the vagina the roots translate to that which one ought to be ashamed. There’s a lot to be said in that. 

Rape, especially in places like rural Asia and Africa can have a heavy presence of social shaming towards the rape victim and huge pressures to endure her suffering in silence and obedience to the rapist and family. In America, we like to act removed from these social issues but the reality is that these sentiments underline the world’s mentality and are found present in our laws as well. 

Let’s briefly look at some of the more basic reasons for child marriage and rape shaming to occur. 

Money. Some rapists will ask to marry their victim out of fetishism or to cover their crimes or societal shame and use money to do so. This could involve paying off the family, the victim, or a third-party handler such as a corrupted authority or caretaker for the victim. The payoffs may be under the table, in the form of a dowry, in the form of benefits, social, reputational, or career advances or material. 

Politics. This could mean that the rapist found it suitable to dodge lengthy jail sentences by covering up their rape with a formal marriage that would grant them loopholes rights to intercourse with the minor for example as we see currently in states such as Florida. It could mean that one family may join a more powerful family with the consent to such a union. It could mean that the victim would be spared some debilitating social stigma or oppression by agreeing to the marriage. These are only a few of the countless scenarios that may apply. 

Religious beliefs. Religions unfortunately can be used to justify child marriage to a rapist. Passages include Hebrew Bible, Deuteronomy 22:28-29: “If a man finds a girl who is a virgin, who is not engaged, and seizes her and lies with her and they are discovered, then the man who lay with her shall give to the girl’s father fifty shekels of silver, and she shall become his wife because he has violated her; he cannot divorce her all his days.” In the Christian Bible “If you mistreat my daughters, or if you take wives besides my daughters, although no man is with us, see, God is witness between you and me.” (Genesis 31:50 NAU)Misinterpretation of the Quaran and many other religious doctrines are also used to justify rape. 

Ways that Women Might Feel Pressured:

A women’s family may take the shame of what was done unto her and blame her for it sitting numerous things such as her dress, demeanor, or presence in the proximity to the rapist just to name a few. I’d like to remind the reader that any excuse used to justify rape is the ignorance of the accuser rape is the responsibility of the rapist, not the victim. Period. They will try to entice her with whatever benefits might come from being married, a house, improved family reputation, status of being married. They will use pregnancy to guilt the mother into providing for her child through the rapist and if she does not accuse her of being an unfit mother with the possibility of threatening to take the child away. Threatening to take away her support, reputation, or even life.

A lot of the ways that rape victims get shamed may seem archaic and third world-like far removed from a first world’s readers stance however the sentiments exist in all demographics, financial status levels, and types of family units. It might similarly exist for those without families such as orphans whose overseers might not want to deal with the issue, friends who might not want to withstand the controversy, etc. 

In ten years ending in 2010 about 170,000 children were married in the US according to data by Unchained at Last. Looking at some of the prevalent legal issues here in America today we see that these pre-historic and yet permeating mindsets continue today. Flordia for example has a legal loophole being actively exploited by rapists. Their age of consent to marry is already at a low 16 with parental consent (see above for the issue with this) however more shockingly there is no needed age of consent if the minor is pregnant. If you want a child bride you just need to knock one up real quick to make it legit. In some US states there is another loophole that is being exploited minors can’t run away from their spouse, get a divorce or enter a haven if they are still married. This leaves the minor totally at the mercy of their capture and abuser. Child marriage is actively legal in 46 US states. There are only for that are completely set on 18 and 18 and above only under no other conditions. This statistic only gets gravely more disturbing when you realized that 20 states only require a sign-off from their parents at any age to make it legal. So you think that child marriage isn’t allowed in America in this day and age? Think again! For some reason, the so-called “sanctity of marriage” as an institution is more important than the concept in its true meaning itself, legally. 

Until we deprioritize the system of marriage as the end all be all for what is an acceptable practice and stop forcing these women into a life of conditioned and continued rape that will contain irreparable damage and potentially molestation of her children or other children as a result we are looking at a long road from the antiquated past into a less rape endorsing society. 

Rape culture endorsement is a part of our today’s American society. Despite our best attempts to bring awareness like the #Metoo movement, the majority of rape prevention responsibility is still placed on the target and not the predator. Until we reach a more absolute and probably more severe form of justice and punishment against predators then it is, sadly, at this time still advisable for those concerned about sexual assault to suit up. Here are four modern inventions that aid in just that department.

Anti-Rape Buckle

Just when you thought that Chastity Belts were a thing of the past, the anti-rape buckle came out. This complex compact contraption attaches to your belt to secure your pants in a way that makes them difficult to open without understanding the exact way to open them. Though a bit inconvenient to the wearer at times just navigating their day-to-day life does provide a level of difficulty to a potential predator. However, it does insight the concern that the belt itself can be cut, so would be best attached to a very durable material that is difficult to break through.

Undercover Colors

Undercover Colors is a nail polish that can detect an assortment of rape drugs such as GHB and Rohypnol among others. If the wearer suspects that a predator might have spiked their drink they simply dip the fingernail with polish into the drink and wait to see if the colors react, if they do they have discovered a tampered drink. It is available on Amazon starting at 11 $.

Watchoverme

Watchoverme is a free mobile app that is used as a safety precautionary tool. A simple shake of the phone can set off a silent alert message to your specified emergency network. Your network can be alerted to your location, videos, texts, and alerts also stating that the emergency has passed. Once the alert is set you will stay connected even if your phone is taken as the phone relies on your confirmation that you are okay.
My intention in writing this article is not to create a stigma against assault victims who did not buy products such as these but just to bring awareness to some options that might help not only individual people take actions to prevent rapes but also to create a culture that keeps the predator paranoid and not the potential target. The sad reality is that over 85% of predators don’t feel that the assault that they have committed was wrong. This statistic tells us that the level of dehumanization that predators are capable of achieving is frightening. Since the vast majority of rape is about power, fear, and control then it is only fair that society takes back that power and control by scaring the potential predators into caring about something more than rape, their freedom.

Recently bartenders across the nation are incorporating a secret sexual assault preventing language into the bar-scene. Too many times we have seen an uncomfortable or inebriated woman being hit on by an unwanted stranger. It can be awkward to have to break up the scene not sure how to enter or the ramifications from doing so. The solution that bartenders have developed are coded actions and drink orders.

Notes from Management

People can be socially shamed to accept uncomfortable behaviors from others or ‘not make a scene’ and it can be hard to feel comfortable expressing your concerns. BARCC  is encouraging friendly notes posted in the bathrooms by management can hep eliminate these measures and normalize what can feel like a slight worry and empower those with concern to speak. Management will encourage reporting people that are making them feel unsafe as well as suspicious activity among others. For example a woman who is too intoxicated to walk straight getting ‘assisted ‘ by strange “helpers” to their car. By placing a friendly reminder in the bathroom it can help others to speak out for themselves and others providing protection for more potential victims of assault and other crimes.

Angel Shots and Other Drink Codes as a Security Alert System

Bartenders have created fake drink orders as an alert system to prevent sexual assault or other criminal activity. The most popular code systems are “Angel Shots’ a fake drink order alert system supported by Demi Lovato. Depending on how you order these shots, the combination can spell different meanings to the bartender about your situation. Order any style ‘Angel Shot’ immediately signals your bartender that your situation is uncomfortable and they need to be put on alert. An “Angel Shot Neat” for example means that you would like to be walked to your car. An “Angel Shot Dressed” means that you will have a taxi or Uber called. And lastly, an “Angel Shot with Lime” means you want the police called immediately. Though there is always the risk that predators will also understand your distress call and react badly a protective culture and alert system may be enough to scare away the unwanted lurker.

Receipt Fake-Out

Lastly, bartenders are also issuing fake receipts to people that seem socially uncomfortable with their date or unwanted lurker. The bartender will hand the potential target a ‘receipt’ which is actually a list of instructions for what to do if they are in distress such as if you are uncomfortable put a quarter on the table and I will remove this person from the bar. These proactive solutions not only help the individual situation deescalate but also create a culture of awareness and acceptance to anyone that might have otherwise felt powerless or unable to speak up for themselves. It also creates more pressures for establishments to actually train bartenders to be more aware and proactive in their actions as opposed to just relying on the savvy of an individual or Security Guard who is usually too busy to note the subtle nuances and signals of the entire social atmosphere.